Sunday, April 30, 2006

what happens in 3 weeks

Well, many a thing has happened since I blogged last, and while I was busy over Easter break with all the things I last mentioned, it was my grandmother's death that took the toll out of me this week. She had been in a Catholic home for about 2 weeks and we saw her on Easter. A week later, she died in the hospital. . .peacefully and easily for someone who has been so ill and having such difficulty breathing. We didn't have the funeral until Friday so out of town cousins (and my brothers) could get here. It was a peaceful celebration of her life because that is what it was. She is with my grandfather again after being seperated for over 3 years, and we are happy that she has found peace again with good health and love. Anyway, the past week has been one of emotional ups and downs with seeing family, but also missing my last grandparent, and seeing the end of a generation in my family.
I had to miss the senior retreat, and still have no idea how it went since we haven't been back to school (obviously), and I hopw things went ok. This week are the last of my junior parent meetings and the prom along with D"UI group, dentist appointment, and getting started on the award banquet stuff. May is the month I feel like I disappear and work takes over, but we do have some fun things going on. Keith's birthday is at the end of the week, and our friends have a cinco de mayo party so we should have some time to celebrate his life.
***A last thought on my grandmother before I continue to pick up this house and get things organized since I haven't been home much. My grandfather died exactly one week before his next birthday, and my grandmother's birthday would have been today. . .one week after she died. Tell me there isn't a heaven where your loved ones wait for you. . .

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Can we start again?

Although this line, from a song in Jesus Christ, Superstar, was not meant to mean what I mean, it really fits with my days. Each day feels like its slipping away, and I have things that need accomplished but also are things I cannot do alone. So, I try to plan, do what I can, and hope it will all work out in the end.

Easter break begins today for the most part. . .we have no kids here tomorrow when we have an inservice with grade school teachers/principals. I am dreading it cause the one thing I don't want to be for the next day is nice to strangers. Yeah,, that sounds cruel, but sometimes you just need to be with a dear husband who can listen to you and understand why you need time away from work, from family, and from yourself.
I have some plans for the next few days. . .a long-awaited trip to Penzey's Spices, a baby shower for my sis-in-law, Wendy who is coming into town with brother for a short weekend (Thursday-Sunday from CA). It should be nice, but there are other family issues surrounding my grandmother's health and care, so who knows what the day will bring. I hope to find some time to shop, read, grade papers, balance the school checkbook, enjoy some nice weather and just breathe and live.

For those who know, we are coming into the months of life that get very crazy. . .End of April is on overnight retreat, an 8th grade test, a career test, a Prom, grades, an Award banquet, graduation, and more pressure to make sure the whole grade system is correct. Its a good thing I am teaching my Psych class about stress. . .I might need to re-learn and re-think a little in that field. This is always that time of year when I need to "stop" and enjoy what the day has brought, and I really do tend to forget. I know its important to my well-being, but for some reason, I let the "other" voices in my head talk louder than the one that can keep my calm and focused. I need time with friends, but can't seem to find any. I need to talk to someone who understands, but am not sure anyone really does. I need to cry and feel bad when I do cause it doesn't help.

So, I take it moment by moment, find some good music to listen to, and give love to those around me. Somehow, I make it through and feel better in the end.