Ramblings

There is something about a clean piece of paper or a clean area to blog. It gives me a chance to write about whatever is on my mind. Currently, its racing around fiendishly. It has been the month from hell that May always is, but this time, I really did try to make it easier for me by starting with "stuff" early, and it worked. However, those around me failed to co-operate, and I ended up in tears a few times.

Teachers were told grades were due on 22nd by 9, and I didn't get some until after 3 that day. They were told that debts of seniors were due by the 23rd, and I got some after we had already had rehearsal on the 29th. We didn't judge the time well enough for our Senior class day program, wanted to send the kids to either go to homeroom or 4th period and teachers gave us attitude. Awards on my part were started in late April, and the day before I was still being given awards and needed to get certificates made.

I know it doesn't sound rough but there are parts I don't want to go into here. The worst part was last Friday. I was sort of "in charge" of the day since both our principal and asst. had to be out. As we tried to move on after the senior activity, I got attitude as I said, but worse was that after the kids were all gone, the 2 people I am fairly good friends with left with 2 other teachers, and went to lunch. OK, so I don't know this for sure, but when I entered the office as they were all gathering, the looked at each other and then waited until I turned my back for 2 minutes to leave together. Maybe its paranoia, but I doubt it. Anyway, it hurt and I cried. And as I cried, I thought about the people I feel (or felt) closest to in this world besides my husband. And cried more. Wendy, my sisterinlaw, lives in CA, and has a baby so we don't talk as much as we did and she is far away. Yet, I wish I could be closer almost daily. Another friend and I are sometimes hit or miss, but its my fault for not being in touch over the past 2 months. And I still miss the friendship I had that ended with another soul. She may have lived far, but we talked almost daily, and I miss that and her unique love of life. It still hurts that I haven't heard from her in over a year. I guess I wasn't the friend I thought I was.

OK, so this is not a pity party, but it was an emotional night. Keith and I ended up going out to dinner and shopping. (for me~~) I got some Bath and bodyworks stuff, some books, and some gifts for Dad for father's day. Saturday morning, I cleaned out the gels and lotions I had, the candles I didn't want and took them to school for freebies. And all but one candle out of about 12 were taken. It felt good to give them away, and while I am trying to forgive, its not so easy to forget.

Tonight is graduation. Its been a rough two weeks, like it seems to always be, but this year was more personal than just stress. However, today we got pics of a party with drinking and had to deal with that before we left. I am currently in my graduation dress with hair done and ready to leave about 4:45. I like to be there first to enjoy the silence and to double check what I was supposed to do. And after 9 pm, I will be home to enjoy my weekend.

Things at school have many ups and downs and I am not sure why. I feel that a few of our teachers feel more "entitled" when it comes to things. Morale seems low to me, or maybe its just mine. I do have support and a comrade in our asstprin., but its frustrating to feel like I do right now. I want to get out of it, but maybe I just need to feel appreciated instead of "dumped on" (for lack of a better way of saying it).

On a more positive note, we are going to Disneyworld on December 15th for a week, and it will be a way to escape from reality. We also will be in Phoenix and San Diego for 2 weeks this summer to see the nephews, and I hope we can head to Brooklyn in the fall to see my niece and her new baby sister (due in July)

I want to write more. I need to write more. So, let's hope I can use this space wisely.